Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
bring money and cleavage
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
