If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
