I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
