walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And then my night got REAL pukey
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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