Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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