This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I love having hate sex.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
