You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
