; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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