i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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