He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
