I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
