i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
