I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize