Hey man sorry I got all grabby
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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