He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
