Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize