if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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