Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
