I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
