last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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