is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
