hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
