Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
