Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
