there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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