Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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