I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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