is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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