The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize