Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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