the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
