You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
