Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
