we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
