fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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