singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Randomize
