sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
