Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize