Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
