I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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