I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
