I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
