Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
