On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Will you blow on my dice?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
