Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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