Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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