We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
