new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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