She's JV to your varsity
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
