using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
