I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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