I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
