my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize