Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
