Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Life is so much better after having sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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