Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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