There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
