She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
