i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
one might say we're banned from that church
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
