so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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