Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
