The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
