u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
