you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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