if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
