Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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