For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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