then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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