"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
