just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
