Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize