Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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